I have decided to make an effort to be incredibly honest on this blog, to the point of humiliation and embarrassment to myself. I promise not to embarrass anyone else but myself, and will NEVER put someone down or single them out. I feel however that some of the things that I am going through may be able to help others in my situation, as embarrassing as it may be. I firmly believe that everything that is happening in my life has or will happen to someone else. As a Christian, single girl, it is important for us to stick together and support each other, through the good, bad and ugly :)

I have been going through a lot of woe is me time. Woe is me that my grandfather died, and woe is me that I am one of the only ones of my friends/family without a special someone. Woe is me that I have not graduated yet and woe is me that I still live at home. Are all these things bad? No! Are they things that bother me no matter what others say? YES! But all of these things are not major issues...they all have a common thread. They all have to deal with the fact that I want something to come easy to me, for once in my life. It is hard being the one that sits back and waits...seeing everyone else get married, receive that dream job or apartment. It is hard to answer the questions at family gatherings and friends' parties. It is frustrating to think that something is going one way, and then realizing that in a second, they are going another. It is hard to be "just a friend".
Does this mean that I should throw a temper tantrum and curl in a ball? I wish...but I keep trudging along. Sitting through class and doing my best on everything; going on many first dates, or no dates at all. Keeping the peace with my parents until graduation day and I can finally move. I realize that in my heart is where I keep the things that are vital to my existence... God, my family (no matter how much they drive me crazy) and my hopes and dreams.
Why is it that when a friend is going through a trial, we give advice. I catch myself telling people what I would do, or that they should do this... Can't someone just tell me.."you know, that sucks, and I am so sorry that you are going through this" I realize that you are glad that you aren't dating anymore. I know that God has that someone special for me and that it is His timing, not mine. I know that my grandfather is looking down at me and watching over me. I know to keep God in the middle of everything. I also realize that all of these fears are normal and many people have them.

Yet, I enjoy hearing the stories of those that are past this stage in their life. It is comforting to know that it sucked for them as well, but that they made it through. It is almost like those chick flick movies where the girl always ends up with her true love, no matter what obstacles she goes through. It gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling.

God has given me a lot of trials this past year. Some big (the passing of my grandfather), some small (singing a solo in church), and some medium sized (getting through the semester of school) He has pulled me through all of them and I am still standing, still kicking. So I continue to stay strong, to be a friend, help my best friend plan her incredible wedding, and to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ. Will I make it? Yes. Will it be easy? No. But if God made it easy for me then why would I need to lean on Him? Why would I constantly pray to Him about things?