Every semester I do observations and get to work with kids, I am amazed at how fast I fall in love with them.  I have only been with my 3rd graders for a week but they are already "mine".  The kids I have live a harder home life than I ever did.  They have to deal with broken families, not knowing where they will live, whether they will eat and what they will wear... not because they have too many clothes, but because they have only 2 or three outfits.   Some of these kids will only get a good meal twice a day, 5 days a week.  School is the safest place they have and their teacher is the only positive influence they have.   In the 5 days I have been there, I have heard way too many stories of broken homes, parents in jail, etc.  It completely breaks my heart.  I can't imagine having to deal with any of that now, much less when I was 8 or 9.

What is really sad to me is that they talk about their home life like it is completely normal.  They do not know what it is to live in a house that theirs.  Some of them will never know.  Many of their parents never went past the 8th grade and the ones that did did not make it to college.  These kids deal with many of the same pressures that adults live with.  The same ones that my parents and yours shouldered until they felt we were mature enough to handle.  These babies have to shoulder them long before they are emotionally ready.


 I just can't imagine.....

Tonight was a hard night at bible study.  Although I had a really good day, the instant I sat down at bible study, I felt nervous.  I wasn't sure why but I figured it had something to do with what Kate asked us to do.  She had little pieces of paper on the table and we were supposed to write down what our idol was that we were struggling with and then we were going to discuss them as a group.  I immediately felt the nervous sweat start pouring.  Everyone was going to know my idol? Everyone?   Now, for those of you that may read my others posts, you might be thinking that I am the biggest idiot in the world.  Last week I just wrote about what my idol was.  I wrote about how it was Facebook and the amount of time I spend on it.  Well, I think the Lord was trying to get through my thick skull that I had made 4 steps forward and then slipped on some mud today. I had slipped back into checking facebook 27 times today (maybe a slight exaggeration).  If I could tell the world what my idol was, why couldn't I write it down?  Why couldn't I take the step forward and profess publicly what I am dealing with.  We weren't required to write down our names, we only had to put our idol.  No one in the group would even know that it was me.
Well, my friends, I don't see you wonderful faces out here in blog-land.  I don't see the laughter, smiles, or discontent with something you read.  I don't have to see what you think about my posts.  If you like them, you might make a comment, but other than that, I have no knowledge of what people think about it.  But the idea of publicly announcing that something as silly and seemingly innocent is an idol in front of a bunch of women that see me every week scared the heck out of me.  I was literally sitting there with pen in hand, trying to write the words "social network" on to that little scrap of blue paper.  I couldn't do it.  I wrote "envy" instead and acted like that was the big one (but trust me, I have many envious moments).  I couldn't believe it, and I still can't.  I can't believe that I was put to a test and I absolutely failed.  I failed to trust that God had put me in a safe situation with women who understood and would not judge.  I failed to have unfailing faith in my Lord.  I was/am so disappointed.
Some might think that this is a small moment in a day, a moment that is insignificant.  It, however, showed me how much of my life I still try to control.  It showed me that I have many more idols than just Facebook and envy.

Psalm 25:1-3

1 To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; 2 in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. 3 No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse.

Life--

Life is so good right now.  As I have looked back in my blog writing I see the highs and lows of my life.  Life will be good, then life will suck right around the time of finals or major projects.  I see these and can't do anything but hang my head and chuckle.  For I know that it was silly for me to freak out about everything.

I recently started a bible study on idols.  This past week we were to write a letter about what we hoped while in the bible study and just where we were in our lives.  We also had to talk about what we thought were our idols. God had actually been placing my idol on my heart for a few months now.  I had constantly pushed it away because I didn't want to give it up.  I have had many conversations that went like this:

God: Hey Miranda!  I love you, I know you are busy enjoying your break but we need to talk.  You know that thing that you check every morning and evening?  And about a zillion times between then?  The thing that fulfills your "what is happening" need?

Me:  Umm? Hey God, you mean Facebook?

God:  Yeah!  That is the thing...I think you need to get rid of it.

Me: Oh... but I keep in contact with friends and family.  If I get rid of it then how would I keep in touch with them?

God: I think the important people in your life would contact you.  Don't you?

Me:  Well, yeah...I guess.  But I am sure there is something else that is my idol.  What about movies?  Or my career? Or getting my hair done?  Isn't there anything else that I can give up? Surely Facebook is not my idol...it is harmless fun!! Please God?

God:  No.. I am sure that you need to not be on it so much.  Think of the time that you spend on it and how much better that time could be used.

Me:  (crickets chirping) God...are you sure?  I mean, really, really sure?  I don't spend that much time on it...I get on, check out what people are doing, tell them what I am doing and then get off.

God:  Miranda, when people can keep up with the day to day activities of your life thru facebook and don't have to make an effort to actually get in touch with you, you are need to quit.  Plus, I miss you, I want our quiet time back. You say that I am the most important thing in your life, yet you don't spend anytime with me.

 

 This conversation has been repeated a few times throughout the last month, even before I decided to do the bible study.  I tried many times to redirect God (oh, I know...pointless) to something else that I wanted to be my idol because I knew that it was going to be easier to give up or cut back on.   But he was consistent in what he was showing me.  So...I am giving up facebook.  I will have it to post my blogs and to receive messages but I will no longer check it all the time and have taken all alerts off my phone.

I realized that I was checking facebook the moment I woke up.  I guess I wanted to know what I missed the 7 hours I was sleeping.  I would then feel the need to tell fb what I did or thought at various points through out the day.  You really don't need to know that I am washing my hair and then going to bed.

I will use the time that I would normally be on facebook to immerse myself in God's Word.  I will use the time to learn my memory verses, work on my bible study and to just feel God's arms around me everyday.  I will start the day reading a verse or two and end my day the same.

I know that I may be the only light of God that a student might see in their entire day.  I want to be shining as bright as possible.  This may seem cliche or cheesy, but it is true.  I may not beable to speak about my faith openly with my students, but I can hide God's word in my heart and let it come through my actions and words.  I am going to encounter parents that are bitter and feel hatred towards God because of their child's disability or the grim reality of a students life span.  I want them to be able to feel the warmth of God's love when we make decisions about their child.  I want them to see God in me and facebook is not going to give that to me.

I am going to share my letter with you.  I have been trying to be alot more open about my true feelings on things in my life.  I do not know how many people read this, I have a feeling it is only a handful, but I also use this as my online journal...so here goes.

Father- What can I say?  I am insanely blessed.  I can't think of any other word.  I am starting this new chapter in my life, a chapter that opens a whole new world to me.  I can't wait to see what you have in store for me through my new students and people that will cross my path these next few months.  I know I have so much to learn and you are ever molding me and changing me into who you created me to be.  I can't explain my new outlook on life.  My new found confidence and belief in myself is beyond my comprehension.  You know my heart Lord.  You know that I still have many things I need to deal with.  I am hoping to give you these things--to take them and leave them at the cross.  I can't imagine my life without you in the center of it.  I know that you will never give me more than I can handle, even if you think I have a higher capacity level than I think I do.  I can't wait to see what you reveal to me! Love, Mir.

I leave you with this thought:  What if, instead of thinking the cliche WWJD?  What if each time you did or said something to anybody you stopped and thought : "Am I doing this for God's glory, or for my own glory, pride, comfort, happiness, or other selfish motive?"  Would it change anything that you do? Would it change your goals for yourself, spouse or children?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am officially starting my last semester of school.  Tomorrow I will begin a 8 week journey through the world of 3rd graders and then another 8 week journey in life skills.  I can't tell you how blessed I have feel to have the teachers and connections with them.  I know that it is only the Lord's doing.  I am nervous but confident that He is forever taking care of me.  This semester has been 10 years in the making.  It was 10 years ago this month that I was in my last semester of my high school life.  I was thinking of prom, senior pictures, college life and GRADUATION!  I remember thinking that I had life all figured out and knew exactly what my life was going to be like.  I would graduate with a psych degree in 4 years from SHSU.  I would meet my husband in college and get married after graduation where I would proceed to have the most fabulous life, kids, house and job.  Boy was I wrong!! Not only did I not go to SHSU, I did not meet my husband (yet) and definitely did not finish in 4 years.  I went the other route.  I applied to ACC, where it took me 6 years to get my associates degree.  I lived at home for the most part, worked alot and would occasionally go to class (hence the 6 years to get a 2 year degree).  It through these 6 years that I met amazing people and finally figured out what I wanted to do.  I knew that I was good with children.  My experiences in working with them led to figure out that I was supposed to be involved with them.. Teaching though, was not in my book.  My mom taught and all I could think of was the endless time I spent at the school while she prepared for the next day and would grade papers, etc.  At that time, I did not understand the dedication that it takes to be a teacher.  All I saw was that I wanted to be home at 4 so that I could watch Animaniacs.   I wanted to be home, veggin' out on the couch, not in my mom's room doing my homework or helping her grade papers.  I wanted to be playing outside or riding my bike and not doing whatever project my mom could think of that would help her and keep me entertained.
  I did NOT want to be a teacher.  Through my years off and on at ACC, I began to realize that I was good at teaching.  I could get kids to listen and was able to get a point across.  This made me start to really think about what I could do with teaching.  I looked into schools and found that HBU had an awesome child development and psychology department.  As you can see, I was not convinced that teaching was for me.  I looked at UH and UHCL but only applied to HBU.  I don't recall thinking that I wouldn't get in. What I didn't think about was how I was going to pay for it.
Anyways, I applied, got in and got financial aid for my full tuition.  PRAISE GOD!! I had quit my job to go full time and really didn't know how I was going to afford anything.  But, I got enough money to cover books and everything.  I started to get the idea that I was on the right path.  I took a class that was called schools and learning.  It is basically a class that gives you a little insight into teaching and the education field.  It was the start of my moment of clarity.  The class made me realize how much I love to be in the classroom.
I loved knowing that I was helping someone learn something new and the thought of doing it everyday really excited me.

I can't wait to have a classroom of my own.  I can't wait to see smiling faces and receive warm hugs and see grateful looks on those beautiful little faces.  I can't wait to be get to nurture learning and show them how fun learning can be.  But I will wait.  I will wait and enjoy the free advice and criticism of those that have been in the "trenches" for a while.  I will listen to what they have to say and take in all that I can before May.  I utilize the wealth of information that I am surrounded by through the many friends that are teachers and my mom.  My mom is the one that inspired me to keep going through school.  She spent endless nights doing homework after she had put her three kids to sleep.  She hauled me to school and had me sit in the library when I was too little to be in school and there was no babysitter.  She would miss seeing my dad when they only crossed paths between work and school schedules.  She never gave us any less attention but was dedicated to achieving her dream  She is the reason that I stuck to staying in school and am finishing.  Through it all, the fact that she finished school with a husband and three kids stuck with me and I knew that if she could do it with all that, I could finish with no husband, no kids and the love and support of two of the most AMAZING parents!

I have so much more going through my mind, but the time has come to sleep...for I have a big day tomorrow!

Until next time..
Mir

As 2011 starts, everyone is jotting down their yearly goals, resolutions, and to do list. With that goal, resolution or job comes the inspiration to do it.

I got a message from a friend today that said I inspired her.  Inspiration can come from many, many sources.  Sometimes, it can be a grandparent or family member.  Other times, you may find inspiration from an athlete or celebrity.  The message sort of caught me off guard as it was in reference to exercising.  I don't find myself as someone that would inspire others.  I do what I need to do and that is it.  I try to live the motto of " Don't complain if you won't do something about it."

So what is my inspiration?  The way I feel after a 40 minute run and the feel of my clothes getting looser and looser. Sometimes it is a song about doing something I didn't think was possible, or lyrics that encourage me to just take the next step.  I also find inspiration in knowing that God is watching me, and that the idea of letting Him down is 20 times worse than letting a friend or family member down.
 I am thankful for chance to be a role model or an inspiration to others, although I do not deem myself worthy.  In all that I do, whether it is working with kids, getting through school, or losing 25 lbs, God is there, molding and shaping me to be who He has willed.

What is your inspiration?

Do you have any words that you used as a little kid that seemed to make perfect sense to you, but made others laugh around you?  When one of my sweet Harms was little, he would say "Hold you!" when he wanted to be held.  He had heard us say " Do you want me to hold you?" a million times and seemed to connect those two words with what he wanted.  I did the same thing as a child.  I used the word "Freunion" to describe a family reunion and a funeral.  

    If you read any of my blog posts, you will know that I have started a challenge to memorize 24 scriptures in a year.  This has proven to be much more harder than I thought, and it has only been 3 days!! UGH!  It isn't the memorization that is my problem.  I have decided to meditate on the scripture I have chosen each day during my quiet time.  I did not know how to determine which scripture I should memorize first.  Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind at first, but since I could recite it without even looking I figured I should try something new.  I started to pray about what God wanted me to learn this year.  He screamed at me, "PATIENCE".  Something that I now realize he has been screaming at me for a while.  I am patient when there are 24 kids screaming and running around the room yet when it comes to my plans and my life, I tend to be as far from patient as possible!! I looked up several scriptures on patience and kept coming back to this one...so I figure this is a good start.

" Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; Do not  fret because of him who prospers in his way because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass" Psalm 37:7

    I worry.  I worry about school and whether I will be a good teacher.  I worry about what people think of me and whether or not they see who I really am.  I worry about being a good person and the choices that I make.  I worry when I disappoint people.  I worry about how I am serving the Lord.  I have realized that I worry a lot.  Not matter how much I think that I let God have things in my life, I don't.  I give somethings, the things that don't really determine how my life goes.  I give Him other peoples issues that they tell me about.  I tell others to give it to God and yet I hold on to so many things.

  I am so tired of worrying.  Tired of wondering what life was going to give me and not enjoying what I already have.  So I am giving it all up...school, relationships, Kaleo, my future.  I know that God has me in His hands and loves me more than any of my family, friends, or my future husband ever can.  God will give me everything I need while I stand firm in His love and His safe and unconditional arms.

I still have 12 days left to memorize and pray on this scripture.  I cannot begin to think of what other many, many lessons I need to learn, but I know that I will be listening and waiting.  I really can't wait to see what this year holds for me and all of those around me.

I got an email the other day from a good friend that sent me to a link to a blog.  It was Beth Moore's Living Proof Ministries Blog.  On it, she is doing a challenge for those that want to to memorize 24 verses in 12 months.  You stick up your verse on the blog on the 1st and 15th of each month.  Then, in December, she is going to have an event in which if you have taken the challenge, you can come.  All you have to do is sign up, learn your verses, have a spiral or some sort of way to keeping track of them and then be able to recite 12 out of the 24 at the actual event with a partner.  I think it is a great idea.  Here is the link to where you need to put your first bible verse.

I have decided to do Psalm 37:7  Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.  NKJV

If you would like to join the challenge, please let me know and i will add you to an email list with my friends.  We are going to email each other our verses too so that we can keep each other accountable!!