Today I changed my blog to a private thing.  I am ready for the whole world to not know what I am doing.  I want to connect personally with people instead of constantly hearing " oh I feel like I know you via Facebook"  While I do not put anything on Twitter or Facebook that I would be embarrassed about, I am done with spending hours a week seeing what everyone is doing and stating what I am doing.  I would rather call someone and have a conversation with people.  Guess I am over Facebook and Twitter.  I was getting all of my news from twitter instead of watching the news or reading a newspaper.  I also was hearing about events through the internet instead of my friends.  I have to decided to take the time that I would usually spend on Facebook and twitter and journal and read the Word.  I have a lot of decisions to make and I want to make sure it is the right one.

I have started a new relationship.  It is great, and fun and exciting.  Do I love him?  Not sure... Do I like him? definetly.  I get chills when I am near him, and butterflies when he kisses me.  I love that he pays attention to me.  I love that he is comfortable with me.

It is proving to be hard to let my guard down and let him in.  I want him to know me, all of me- the good and the ugly.  I fear rejection and someone not liking me.  I have a seen a lot of things that I do not like about myself.  For all these years, I have done things that have been okay with me, but after reflecting and looking to God for guidance, I realize that I am not walking the walk... i am a hypocrit- easy to come up with advice for someone else, but the instant that I am faced with the same decision or event, I clam up and want to face it on my own.  I also feel very convicted for the alcohol binges and bad decisions.  i am a leader in the church and will be in the community.  I should act as that leader, and my actions prove to be louder than words. We are all faulty and we all fall short, but I feel as though I am not trying to come any where close to what I should be doing.

Miranda