I am sitting here, at 1:03am wondering why I am writing this instead of finishing up my homework and getting to bed. I have something to say, and can't do anything else till it is off my chest. Since my friends would KILL me if I called any of them right now, dear blog, you are my late night friend, so I confide in you. (wow, i must be loopy, talking to my blog...geez)
I feel run down, and broken. I feel fearful of the future and whether or not I will make it. I feel alone sometimes in this big world. I feel like I am standing still, just waiting, stuck in mud of financial burdens and living up to worldly expectations, not being able to move. I feel the love of family and friends, encouraging me, but maybe not understanding me fully. I feel sadness for the one's I miss and the one's I have driven away. I feel mad at the broken promises and the words I couldn't keep.

However, I see the ray of light, God standing there with his arms open wide, taking away my sickness, fear, loneliness, discontentment, misunderstanding, brokenness, jealousy, and hate. Giving his son up for me, so that I may feel joy for the best friend that eats chocolate chip pancakes with me, love for the family that helps me when times are tough, peace in HIS will, contentment in my place, and patience for the many blessings that lay ahead. I see God waiting with an umbrella to shelter me from the storm. I see the cross, and fall to my knees, gasping for breath while praying. I hear the angels, singing soft hymns of praise in my ear. I feel fatherly arms, covering me with love. I hear the soft whisper of I love you in my ear, letting me know that it is not He that has left. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, ready to face a new day, taking it step by step, minute by minute.