What is it about Facebook that has me determining my worth to it? Am I not worth anything just because someone de-friended me?
That sure is how it felt last night when I tried to message someone and couldn't because I wasn't on their friend's list. It struck me as odd because I knew that we were friends. I suddenly got this feeling of angst and started to wonder what I had done. Did I do something horrible? Why are they mad at me? I skipped over all of the sane reasons and went straight to the "what did I do?" I didn't even stop to think that maybe there was a valid reason. I just jumped head first into the "beat yourself up" end of the pool.

(It doesn't help that I see this said person at least once a week.)

I am not so much concerned with the actual fact that "they" de-friended me. What worries me is my reaction.

Why did I go straight to the "what did I do wrong" section? I think it has to do with the idea I got into my head of "take the blame, keep the peace, and everyone is happy". But that isn't the truth. Not everyone is happy when I do that, especially me. Let me explain the "take the blame" theory.
Let's say someone is mad at me. Instead of arguing and stating my defense, sometimes it is easier to just take the blame, say "I'm sorry" and move on. There are certain times that i will stick up for myself, and I trying to do that more. This was especially true when I was younger and would be confronted by my mother. Instead of arguing until I won, I would just apologize, take the punishment and suck up my reasons.

The only problem with this whole theory? I don't move on. I stick my reasons and feelings into a bag, heave it on my shoulders with the rest of my baggage and go off to the next emotional struggle in my life, never unloading or stopping to "check" my bags before I fly.

Facebook, or any other technology for that matter should not have a hold on how we value ourselves. If they don't want to be friends online, that doesn't mean it is the end of a friendship. If it does mean that, then it maybe it wasn't the best friendship to begin with.

In the end, I will probably not ever ask why we are no longer friends, accepting defeat and I will move on. This will not, determine my devotion to the friendships I have, on and off-line.


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