I have started a new relationship. It is great, and fun and exciting. Do I love him? Not sure... Do I like him? definetly. I get chills when I am near him, and butterflies when he kisses me. I love that he pays attention to me. I love that he is comfortable with me.
It is proving to be hard to let my guard down and let him in. I want him to know me, all of me- the good and the ugly. I fear rejection and someone not liking me. I have a seen a lot of things that I do not like about myself. For all these years, I have done things that have been okay with me, but after reflecting and looking to God for guidance, I realize that I am not walking the walk... i am a hypocrit- easy to come up with advice for someone else, but the instant that I am faced with the same decision or event, I clam up and want to face it on my own. I also feel very convicted for the alcohol binges and bad decisions. i am a leader in the church and will be in the community. I should act as that leader, and my actions prove to be louder than words. We are all faulty and we all fall short, but I feel as though I am not trying to come any where close to what I should be doing.
Miranda
