“’For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:11-14a
These few verses have always been my favorite. I love the hope and trust that they bring to the heart that has been left feeling alone, abandoned and rejected. I have spent many nights crying out to the Lord and these verses have always been a sense of comfort.
These past few months have been an emotional rollercoaster. I have had many “high” moments followed by what seemed like endless “valleys”. After graduation, I started the crazy job search. This task seemed to be never ending. It seemed that I was in an automated world as I filled out online applications, wishing for one universal databank that would give my resume to all potential employers.
At first, my heart was set on moving. I wanted out of this place. I talked to my brother and sister and they had said, “Yes!” to me staying with them for a few months until I found an apartment. I wanted to be close to my nephew and far away from Pearland. I prayed and prayed for the Lord to find me a place in Texarkana. I didn’t even look at jobs anywhere near to the lovely city of Pearland.
One day in June, a friend had told me that there was a position in Pearland, one lonely elementary position. It didn’t repulse me as much as I had expected so I applied. Then, I started thinking… The idea of teaching in Pearland, while not my favorite idea, did not make me want to run away and scream as it had just a few weeks ago...Why not?
I had been keeping a prayer journal for the last few months. I had been praying for some major things and I wanted to see how God responded to those. One, of course, was my job. I noticed that around the time the job opening for Pearland was open, my prayers had turned from “Lord, I need a job in Texarkana” to “Lord, I need a job.” It was during that time that the Lord was changing my heart.
I had people praying for me in three categories. One, to find a job in Texarkana; two, to find a job in Pearland; and three, to just find a job! I wanted, obviously, the first category to win, so I found myself annoyed with those in category 2. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate the flattery; it just didn’t go along with MY plan. “My plan”…what an enormously wrong phrase.
The Lord was changing my heart to be okay with wherever he led me. He also did not give me any choices. I did not have any promising interviews or job leads during this time. I was in the scariest place I could be, in my mindA: a place where I didn’t know what I was doing, where I was going or how I was going to get there. I HATE being in that place. It was here, though, that I learned several things pretty fast. The Lord also reminded me of some things that I had forgotten. I had forgotten that it wasn’t my plan. I learned that it didn’t matter where I was physically. My brother and his family were close enough to visit, only a phone call away. What mattered was where I was mentally. As I came to understand my feelings towards some situations and some people, I began to realize that the reason I wanted to move, more than anything, was that it was going to be my easy way out. I thought that I was running to something, when I was actually running away from something and the Lord kept making me U-turn.
The Lord has never given me options. I felt the need to only apply to one college for my bachelors, I knew I was to be a teacher, and he only gave me one option for a job. I never stood at the crossroads, wondering if I was taking his path. I did, however, sit at the red light and wait…and wait… and wait.
I hope that I am able to keep this lesson learned. It seems to be a pattern in most of our lives that we learn a lesson, forget it and then have the same “aha” moment that we did the last time. How great to have a God who forgives us for forgetting and loves us unconditionally. How great is it to have a GOD who gives us gentle nudges, with the occasional shove, to let us know that He is in control, no matter what we might think!
