I have decided to make an effort to be incredibly honest on this blog, to the point of humiliation and embarrassment to myself. I promise not to embarrass anyone else but myself, and will NEVER put someone down or single them out. I feel however that some of the things that I am going through may be able to help others in my situation, as embarrassing as it may be. I firmly believe that everything that is happening in my life has or will happen to someone else. As a Christian, single girl, it is important for us to stick together and support each other, through the good, bad and ugly :)

I have been going through a lot of woe is me time. Woe is me that my grandfather died, and woe is me that I am one of the only ones of my friends/family without a special someone. Woe is me that I have not graduated yet and woe is me that I still live at home. Are all these things bad? No! Are they things that bother me no matter what others say? YES! But all of these things are not major issues...they all have a common thread. They all have to deal with the fact that I want something to come easy to me, for once in my life. It is hard being the one that sits back and waits...seeing everyone else get married, receive that dream job or apartment. It is hard to answer the questions at family gatherings and friends' parties. It is frustrating to think that something is going one way, and then realizing that in a second, they are going another. It is hard to be "just a friend".
Does this mean that I should throw a temper tantrum and curl in a ball? I wish...but I keep trudging along. Sitting through class and doing my best on everything; going on many first dates, or no dates at all. Keeping the peace with my parents until graduation day and I can finally move. I realize that in my heart is where I keep the things that are vital to my existence... God, my family (no matter how much they drive me crazy) and my hopes and dreams.
Why is it that when a friend is going through a trial, we give advice. I catch myself telling people what I would do, or that they should do this... Can't someone just tell me.."you know, that sucks, and I am so sorry that you are going through this" I realize that you are glad that you aren't dating anymore. I know that God has that someone special for me and that it is His timing, not mine. I know that my grandfather is looking down at me and watching over me. I know to keep God in the middle of everything. I also realize that all of these fears are normal and many people have them.

Yet, I enjoy hearing the stories of those that are past this stage in their life. It is comforting to know that it sucked for them as well, but that they made it through. It is almost like those chick flick movies where the girl always ends up with her true love, no matter what obstacles she goes through. It gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling.

God has given me a lot of trials this past year. Some big (the passing of my grandfather), some small (singing a solo in church), and some medium sized (getting through the semester of school) He has pulled me through all of them and I am still standing, still kicking. So I continue to stay strong, to be a friend, help my best friend plan her incredible wedding, and to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ. Will I make it? Yes. Will it be easy? No. But if God made it easy for me then why would I need to lean on Him? Why would I constantly pray to Him about things?

I admit it! I am a hopeless romantic. No matter how much society tells me to "Be a woman, be proud!" "Support yourself, you don't need a man" I secretly fight back. I may not need a man, and certainly do not base my happiness solely on the thought of a husband, but I do WANT that relationship. I want to know that someone will be there to give me a hug when I have a bad day, or to help celebrate an incredibly good day. I want someone to tell me I am beautiful in shorts and a t shirt when he and I both know he is lying :) I want someone to call me "honey" and to take me to the movies. I want someone to worship at church with and to pray with. I want someone that will endure my crazy family, no matter what they do! I want to feel like the only other person in the room when I am with him. I want to blush when he smiles at me and melt when he kisses me, even when we are old and gray. I want someone that will sit and watch a silly romantic comedy because they don't care what we do, he just wants to be next to me. I want someone that wants to take care of me, but be okay with me working and using my degree. I want someone who will be proud of me and whatever I accomplish, because he knows that I did it to my best ability. I want someone who will accept me for me, and forgive when I do something stupid, or say the wrong thing....
I had an interesting conversation with an acquaintance the other day. She has recently gotten married and she was asking me about my dating life. I told her that it was pretty non existent since the last guy I dated, who although really nice, was just not for me. And like many married women, she told me, " Oh, there is someone out there for you...just be patient, it will happen." All I could do was nod, smile and secretly cringe.
About two hours ago, I watched 27 Dresses starring Katherine Heigl. It was a good movie, no real depth to it but as many of the romantic ones do, it got me to think. I starting to think about whether or not I am okay with being single. And I figured out that despite all of the dateless Valentine's and bored Saturday nights, I am okay with being single right now. In all honesty, if getting everything that I described in the above paragraph means that I have to wait another 2 years, then I believe that that is something that I will risk. If waiting means that the man that I am supposed to love and cherish forever will cross my path, then so be it... i will wait.
So, I will continue to pray daily for God to bring that man into my life, and I will go have fun with my friends, finish my degree, watch movies by myself, and occasionally have self pity parties. But I will wait, and I know in my heart that by waiting, I will know what is real when I experience it.