As many of you know, I have a new nephew. If you have been reading and following along, I am sure that you sick of hearing about Eli and seeing the pictures. Up until Sunday night, I did not have any first hand knowledge of the little monkey. I had listened to my brother and sister talk about him, looked at the pictures a thousand times and "talked" to Eli on skype but had never actually seen him.

(I cried when I got the message that my brother and sister had been picked to be Eli's parents. It was one of those moments that I had been waiting for since they got married yet it completely caught me off guard.)


I ended up getting to my brothers house in 4 1/2 hours, instead of the usual 5. I think I was anxious to get out of the car and to hug the monkey. I didn't stop at all except to drive thru to get a drink :)
When I got to the house, I got settled and then proceeded to hug and kiss and introduce myself to the monkey. I got to hold him, kiss him, feed him, and even change his diaper. He was so little yet so perfect. It was truly an event that I was able to praise the Lord and thank him for such a wonderful gift.

It has been amazing to see Meagan with him, naturally taking on the job of fulfilling his needs. There have been sweet moments of singing, reading, rocking, playing and just truly enjoying the presence of an innocent, new life.

I don't know how people can not see God in the creation of a new life.

I leave tomorrow and really don't know how I am going to say goodbye. I keep praying that it will just be a temporary goodbye and that God will provide a job up here for me.  I already know that I am going to be the crazy aunt...the one that is at every game and big event he has, his biggest fan (besides mommy and daddy).  I have a lot of great aunts and uncles to look to as an example :)  

2010 has been a crazy year.  Between falling in what I thought was love, having my heart broken, thinking school was going to do me in to being in my final semester of class I have had some crazy times, broken down a few times and am actually glad that the year is coming to a close.

For 3 years now, I have done a blog post of "What I have learned".  I thought that since I have determined I am not getting off this couch until 7:00pm, I would go ahead and let all of you out in blog world read what exactly I have learned.

So here goes:
1.  No matter what I may think, I am stronger than I ever imagined and God is there for me.  I have been through a lot this year.  Many of the things you can read in my past posts.  I have had love and lost love.  I thought my world was ending, the dramatic side taking hold of my for a little bit... and then week by week and day by day, I realized that he was not the guy I wanted to be with forever.  He wasn't even the guy that I wanted to be with for a little while.  He actually did me a favor, and saved me from being the jerk in the situation.

2.  More people have my back than I thought.  As I went through all my trials, I was continuously amazed by the encouragement and prayers on my behalf.  I know that my life isn't hard compared to a million others out there, but I am glad to have people in my life that support me.

3.  There is nothing more important than family.  I have known this for a while but it was repeatedly shown as a truth to me over and over again.  Whether it was a kind word from a cousin or prayers sent up for a very sick little girl, family is what keeps me going.  Their encouragement never fails me and I love them for it.

4.  Sometimes, you just need to have fun.  Life is really too short to not have a little fun without thinking sometimes.  Be safe and don't compromise your morals or values but have fun!!  After a weekend of fun, I have learned that lesson.  ( Can I use "fun" enough?)

I am sure that there are other lessons that I have learned, but these are the big ones.

Now, for some New Years Resolutions
1. Get down to a size 10 jeans
2. Graduate!!!
3. Get a job teaching resource or in a regular classroom
4. Participate in Siesta's Scripture Memory event in December 2011
5. HAVE FUN this year!!

As this year comes to an end, I know that I will have trials in the 2011, I will laugh, cry, hate, love, and not think I can make it at all.  But I know that the Lord, my family, and my friends have my back!  And for that, I could not be more thankful.

This weekend has been a very hard one for me.   The guy I had been talking to and dating for the last 8 months broke up with me.  I do not tell you this for sympathy but it is simply a part of a story that I found awesome.

Last night around 11:30, I finally took time to be by myself and laid in bed, letting emotions wash over me until I fell asleep.  It was something that I needed to get out.  Then today, I was on Facebook and started to talk with my friend Tabitha.  She asked how I was and we talked for about 10 minutes.  In the course of the conversation she told me that she prayed for me last night.  She said that she envisioned me around 11:30, laying in my bed crying my little heart out. It made her sad and so she started to pray for me.  I couldn't believe it!  God had placed me in her heart, knowing that I was hurting.  She stood in the gap for me.  I love moments like these!  I love my faith and I love my supportive friends and families.  Oh, and I LOVE GOD!

I have decided to make an effort to be incredibly honest on this blog, to the point of humiliation and embarrassment to myself. I promise not to embarrass anyone else but myself, and will NEVER put someone down or single them out. I feel however that some of the things that I am going through may be able to help others in my situation, as embarrassing as it may be. I firmly believe that everything that is happening in my life has or will happen to someone else. As a Christian, single girl, it is important for us to stick together and support each other, through the good, bad and ugly :)

I have been going through a lot of woe is me time. Woe is me that my grandfather died, and woe is me that I am one of the only ones of my friends/family without a special someone. Woe is me that I have not graduated yet and woe is me that I still live at home. Are all these things bad? No! Are they things that bother me no matter what others say? YES! But all of these things are not major issues...they all have a common thread. They all have to deal with the fact that I want something to come easy to me, for once in my life. It is hard being the one that sits back and waits...seeing everyone else get married, receive that dream job or apartment. It is hard to answer the questions at family gatherings and friends' parties. It is frustrating to think that something is going one way, and then realizing that in a second, they are going another. It is hard to be "just a friend".
Does this mean that I should throw a temper tantrum and curl in a ball? I wish...but I keep trudging along. Sitting through class and doing my best on everything; going on many first dates, or no dates at all. Keeping the peace with my parents until graduation day and I can finally move. I realize that in my heart is where I keep the things that are vital to my existence... God, my family (no matter how much they drive me crazy) and my hopes and dreams.
Why is it that when a friend is going through a trial, we give advice. I catch myself telling people what I would do, or that they should do this... Can't someone just tell me.."you know, that sucks, and I am so sorry that you are going through this" I realize that you are glad that you aren't dating anymore. I know that God has that someone special for me and that it is His timing, not mine. I know that my grandfather is looking down at me and watching over me. I know to keep God in the middle of everything. I also realize that all of these fears are normal and many people have them.

Yet, I enjoy hearing the stories of those that are past this stage in their life. It is comforting to know that it sucked for them as well, but that they made it through. It is almost like those chick flick movies where the girl always ends up with her true love, no matter what obstacles she goes through. It gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling.

God has given me a lot of trials this past year. Some big (the passing of my grandfather), some small (singing a solo in church), and some medium sized (getting through the semester of school) He has pulled me through all of them and I am still standing, still kicking. So I continue to stay strong, to be a friend, help my best friend plan her incredible wedding, and to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ. Will I make it? Yes. Will it be easy? No. But if God made it easy for me then why would I need to lean on Him? Why would I constantly pray to Him about things?

I admit it! I am a hopeless romantic. No matter how much society tells me to "Be a woman, be proud!" "Support yourself, you don't need a man" I secretly fight back. I may not need a man, and certainly do not base my happiness solely on the thought of a husband, but I do WANT that relationship. I want to know that someone will be there to give me a hug when I have a bad day, or to help celebrate an incredibly good day. I want someone to tell me I am beautiful in shorts and a t shirt when he and I both know he is lying :) I want someone to call me "honey" and to take me to the movies. I want someone to worship at church with and to pray with. I want someone that will endure my crazy family, no matter what they do! I want to feel like the only other person in the room when I am with him. I want to blush when he smiles at me and melt when he kisses me, even when we are old and gray. I want someone that will sit and watch a silly romantic comedy because they don't care what we do, he just wants to be next to me. I want someone that wants to take care of me, but be okay with me working and using my degree. I want someone who will be proud of me and whatever I accomplish, because he knows that I did it to my best ability. I want someone who will accept me for me, and forgive when I do something stupid, or say the wrong thing....
I had an interesting conversation with an acquaintance the other day. She has recently gotten married and she was asking me about my dating life. I told her that it was pretty non existent since the last guy I dated, who although really nice, was just not for me. And like many married women, she told me, " Oh, there is someone out there for you...just be patient, it will happen." All I could do was nod, smile and secretly cringe.
About two hours ago, I watched 27 Dresses starring Katherine Heigl. It was a good movie, no real depth to it but as many of the romantic ones do, it got me to think. I starting to think about whether or not I am okay with being single. And I figured out that despite all of the dateless Valentine's and bored Saturday nights, I am okay with being single right now. In all honesty, if getting everything that I described in the above paragraph means that I have to wait another 2 years, then I believe that that is something that I will risk. If waiting means that the man that I am supposed to love and cherish forever will cross my path, then so be it... i will wait.
So, I will continue to pray daily for God to bring that man into my life, and I will go have fun with my friends, finish my degree, watch movies by myself, and occasionally have self pity parties. But I will wait, and I know in my heart that by waiting, I will know what is real when I experience it.